And so my dad's death, you know, it's been incredibly spiritual for me. It's been a hell of a journey. And that first day after he died, you know, I I'm just, like, I'm feeling all of it, you know, and I'm going in and out of emotion. And there was this moment where I'm home alone, and I was eating some food, and I was at the I was at the, the table in the kitchen, and my family has 2 dogs. Right? I got one dog on my left, just laying on the laying on top of the couch, and then I got this other dog to my right, who's sort of laying by the kitchen, and I'm in the middle at the table. And as I'm eating, I'm just thinking about my dad. I'm just thinking about everything. You know? It's just it's just swirling all around me.

And so that's been, like, sort of, like, a revelation, or it's been, like it was just a really surreal experience, and and it was super real. And I sort of just like let that be you know and my mom has had experiences similar to that and weeks go by excuse me weeks go by and I continue to grieve, and I had gone out with a buddy of mine that I hadn't seen in a couple years. I had known this this guy since I was 5 years old. We've been best friends for a long time, but we hadn't spoken to each other in 2 years. He didn't know about my dad. He only recently found out about everything, and and so he he wanted to meet up. I was super down for that. We had a great night. We had a drunken night. We went out to the bars in Arizona.

And so it's been a few days. It's been, like, a week. You know? I will be honest. I did smoke some weed today. Not in my home, though. It was like I was invited to smoke weed. So it wasn't like I was, like, begging for it, and I wasn't, like, hiding it. You know? And this is all just like a journey. You know? This is every day is, like, every day is a new day. Every moment is a new moment, and I'm learning more about myself. And so, you know, I'm not smoking weed as much. I definitely don't wanna drink at all. And the porn thing, like, that's just cultural. Like, I gotta just, like, be I get I need to break away from the culture of that.