Oh hello, SaysWhovia. Maureen was just getting her mail. What’s this? A jury summons?LOL, that’s a joke, of course. She would never be so lucky. It’s the ticket of the season! Which lucky New Yorkers will get to hang out in a waiting room with hundreds of other hopefuls, all trying out for one of the big roles as a Trump juror. Everyone is excited! Except, perhaps, except Donal Trump, who keeps taking court naps. He does not want to be there. He is bored and itchy and needs a snack.Meanwhile, the Republicans have launched a clever attack on themselves, while Rudy Guiillani would like to borrow a dollar from you.2024 has arrived, SaysWhovia. Don’t look it in the eyes.
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2024 has arrived, SaysWhovia. Don’t look it in the eyes.

SNOOZEFLASH

Oh hello, SaysWhovia. We were just examining this ancient book of spells and portents. Let’s see…an earthquake, an eclipse, lightning hitting the Empire State Building…oh. Just a typical week in New York City. Nothing weird going on at all. Oh wait. The Trump trial is about to start in Maureen’s hometown! That must be it. 2024 is finally turning on the gas and showing us what’s made of.Or IS it? Is it still making us wait? Why is Dan just listing the names of cities? Why is Maureen coughing? Are they trying to stall for time? Is it because they know what 2024 wants?A little bit. Maybe a little bit. But! Dan does know a lot of city names, and Maureen likes lots of stuff. Because after the lists and the quakes comes the woodchipper. And a trip to Disney.Get behind us, SaysWhovia. We’ll go first.
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Into the chipper we go.

WOODCHIPPER

SaysWhovia, Maureen has had a rough week. But it's OK because she's TOTALLY FINE. Yes, that's what she is. She is also the lentil princess, so she has that going for her. Meanwhile the world is going to complete and utter shi... Happy days for she's the lentil princess!
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Maureen writes another earworm.

THE LENTIL PRINCESS

Says Whovians! 2024 is starting to show its whole ass now as the former president Goes Through Some Things in the last 24 hours and somehow has emerged... better off? Great.Also, Dan is in Colorado and Maureen is at her folks and, well, she's coming in hot. And then, suddenly, she's reading from the elaborate guide for getting on the internet she made for her parents back in the 90s. As one does.Ride the weird wind.  
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Neither Maureen or Dan are home which means that everything is going to go great

INCORPORATE THE INTERRUPTION

Sometimes, SayWhovia, it’s important to think about balance. Work and life balance. Physical balance. Bank balance. The balance of an overladen van teetering on the edge of a cliff. This is the balance episode, where all of these things will come up. Dan’s work and life balance is a little off again. Maureen is learning physical balance! Trump has a low bank balance. And off of us are living out the end sequence of the 1967 classic film, the Italian Job.This episode makes more sense than most, which is saying a lot considering it’s 2024.Nobody move, SayWhovia. This whole thing could go over.
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Nobody move, SayWhovia. This whole thing could go over.

A CAREFULLY BALANCED DAN IN A CAREFULLY BALANCED VAN

It’s Super Tuesday, SaysWhovia! How are YOU celebrating? A party? A casual gathering? A quiet cry in the closet? All of these are valid! And who will win? No one knows! Except, everyone!Meanwhile, Maureen reveals the joys of living in New York City once again, Dan gets a new fencepost, and COVID is over! More importantly, plans for Disney on Election Day are being finalized. It’s really happening. Dan and Maureen are going to ride the Haunted Mansion as the results come in, and then Says Whovia will…go on forever. And ever. And ever.Get in the Doom Buggy, SaysWhovia! It’s all really happening!  
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More like Super Snoozeday.

FOG OF JUDGEMENT

This week, Maureen spends a lot of time convincing Dan it’s time to get serious about making Disney plans for the election while Dan falls gently to pieces. It’s that time. Get in line with us, SaysWhovia.Note: this episode contains a brief discussion of the death of Aaron Bushnell. There is no detailed discussion of physical events, but the significance is discussed for a short time.  
<hr>Says Who is made possible by you, through your support of our Patreon at <a href="https://www.patreon.com/sayswho">patreon.com/sayswho</a>

It’s that time. Get in line with us, SaysWhovia.

TICK TOCK DOLE WHIP O'CLOCK

Brrrr. Shut the door! There’s a cold winter wind blowing. All is snug and safe here in the Says Who fort. Dan’s son is recovering from COVID and has had adventures in a hotel room. Mauren wants to get right to the news! 2024 is ramping up! Trump is making shiny shoes because he owes SO MUCH MONEY. So much money! Surely these shiny sneakers will fix everything. Seriously, though—he owes all the money. Does he have it? How will he get it? How many shiny shoes will be sell? And what’s with the perfume?Somehow this becomes Dan and Maureen’s Composition 101 workshop, which should probably be a thing.Pencils down, SayWhovia, and hand your papers to the front.
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Five paragraph essay time, let's go.

AN IDEA, A FEELING, AND A HAT

It’s 2024, SaysWhovia. Everything has changed. Dan has too many jobs. Maureen bought a planner. Trump is running against Biden and Biden is running against Trump. Wait… We’ve been on this ride, haven’t we? No matter. We’ll get in line again. And there are always new twists. For example, Dan’s new job is in the MORNING. Maureen’s new planner is DIFFERENT. Trump is threatening to KILL US ALL. It’s still the same, isn't it? Come with us anyway, SayWhovia. We’ll hold your place in line.
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The more things change...

HAUNTED WHITE HOUSE

Maureen is in paradise; Dan is in Chicago. You can probably guess how this is going to go.
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Maureen is in paradise; Dan is in Chicago. You can probably guess how this is going to go.

TALE OF THE WHALE

It’s the first big political event of 2024, sort of! It’s the New Hampshire primary, and everyone is excited. Right? Is that excitement? Dan isn’t sure. Ron DeSantis has dropped out of the race, dragging Florida down with him into the swamp, where he will live with sewage and alligators. Trump continues to be on trial. So…is any of this news? Is it news if you knew it already? What to do with this zombie of a year?Enter Maureen, with a plan. She has a plan, everyone. A good plan to fix it all.Gather round, SaysWhovia. Listen to the plan!  
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Maureen has a plan. And it's not terrible even.

MAUREEN'S PLAN

Come in! Take a seat her by the fire that Maureen and Dan have made sure to keep burnin’. Have some hot tea. Get a blanket. It’s cold! At least, it is at Dan’s house. For some reason, Maureen’s place is a thousand degrees, her feet are trapped in a footstool, and she can’t see right out of one eye. No matter. No one wants to come into 2024 being able to see all of it. Best to keep it in soft focus.The Iowa caucus has happened! And…um. It happened! Exactly as everyone knew it would! There is literally nothing gained from this exercise! But Dan and Maureen are going to mine it for gems, and end up in a deep discussion about the ways 2024 will bend people psychologically. Maureen looks deep into the abyss. Dan watches, nervously. The fire crackles.And then Maureen has a good idea that Dan may or may not be responding to sarcastically. She can’t tell.Snuggle up, SaysWhovia. It’s a long ride through the snow. Let’s make it cozy!
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This week, Dan and Maureen invite you in from the cold.

IOWA YOU AN EXPLAINATION

Oh hey! Dan and Maureen are swinging into the first week of 2024 with ease and style! Maureen has left behind her dead snake and gotten a fast car back to New York City because things got complicated. Dan dropped his son off at the airport to return to school and is definitely not still crying. But also, VAXXING. Because COVID is back for year four. And would you believe it, it’s infecting people in the SAME EXACT WAY it surges every year. Who would have known.Meanwhile, Trump is in court in Washington DC to try to argue that being President gave him superpowers. It’s not going well. And actual New York City mayor Eric Adams is under fire for a recently unearthed 2009 book about school safety in which he tells the story of taking a loaded gun to school. Or did he? Take a gun to school? Or tell that story to a ghostwriter who got it wrong? Or have a ghostwriter? Or even make the book at all? It’s a study into whether or not books or writers are even real, and Maureen is INTO IT.Also, Dan has to watch three Twilight movies. He can’t edit this out of the notes. These notes were written by a ghost.Booooooo!
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Dan and Maureen are swinging into the first week of 2024 with ease and style!

GHOSTWROTER

Welcome to 2024, motherf****rs.
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Welcome to 2024, motherf****rs.

KEEP BURNIN'

SaysWhovians!The year is RAPIDLY coming to a close, and Maureen and Dan are building a (don't call it a) bunker and stocking it with everything we need to make it through 2024. Yes, it's a VERY SPECIAL Prepisode!  (Note: this was recorded ahead of Maureen heading to England in mid-December) 
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Maureen and Dan ring out 2023 with a little prepwork for 2024

PREPISODE: 2024

Well, it’s that time of year again! Not the holidays—but for Maureen to have a weird medical issue in the middle of a deadline. She’s fine. She had a line. A real line. On her foot. Dan does not believe her.Meanwhile, Dan has a story about a bad man and his bad friends. Not Friends, the show he never watched. These are Evil Friends, and they have ruined a good place. Yes, we have to talk about Elon Musk.But on a bright note, Moms for Liberty is getting their ass handed to them all over the place! This will cheer you right up.It was a real line, SaysWhovia. A real line.
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Maureen is fine. Probably. Maybe. Sure.

FOOT LINE

Maureen is trying to take a bath. Maureen is trying to do a lot of things. She is having some trouble, but is not giving up. Dan has advice. Maybe she should take it easy?But that’s not the SaysWhovian way. Maureen is going TO THE MAXX. And so is the subject of today’s story—a little dreamer named George Santos. Keep dreaming, SayWhovia. Then dream bigger. Dream biggest.
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Yes, it’s the George Santos episode.

DREAM BIGGEST

Hello, SayWhovia! Did you make it through Thanksgiving? Dan and Maureen did! Mostly! Dan has only part of a car, though. And Maureen is still in Philadelphia. She went to the craft store. She has a tale to tell. Many tales—tales of birds in walls, spiders, slugs—so many creatures. She may never leave Philadelphia. She is trapped forever, like she is in the Phantom Zone.Dan does not want to talk about the news, but Maureen insists on a little, as a treat. So it’s just a little. But it does include the fact that this is the third Trump campaign Says Who will be covering, and that fact hits Dan hard. Three times. That’s a franchise. But which franchise is it? Star Wars? Scream? Die Hard? The answer is also a bit much for Dan. Again, he only has part of a car.Diplomatic immunity, Says Whovia. It’s been revoked.
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Good things come in threes... right?

THE FRANCHISE

It's someone's birthday! And someone else is on deadline! And there are nightmares happening in the world. So you know it's a real normal one over in SaysWhovia.
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Dan is older and Maureen is fine. FINE.

BIRTHDAYS AND DEADLINES

Today, Dan and Maureen celebrate their favorite holiday: Happy Four Seasons Total Landscaping Day! Yes, it’s been three years since the best day ever. In the present, Maureen is focused on her book. She’s going to make the landing, but what a landing it will be. Dan, meanwhile, has a haunted mouth. And he’s not the only one! Because somewhere out there is an app called Covenant Eyes, and our new Speaker of the House loves it. He uses it with his son. To monitor their mutual porn use. Say it out loud: Covenant Eyes. Now the curse is with you. Meanwhile, Trump is in NYC, and boy, is he chatty! He’s a rambling man. He’s bad at court. Next year is going to be SOMETHING ELSE. Covenant Eyes, Sayswhovia. Covenant Eyes.
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Covenant Eyes, Sayswhovia. Covenant Eyes.

THE EYE OF THE PORN

Maureen Johnson and Dan Sinker

In 2016, two friends—and author and a journalist--sat down to ride through the final weeks of the Presidential election by talking to the journalists covering it. They thought they were doing eight episodes. They were wrong. What started as a short trip has become a long and strange journey. They’ve gotten weird. They’ve made friends along the way. Mostly, the weird part, though. Join #1 New York Times bestselling author Maureen Johnson, and legendary publisher of Punk Planet Magazine Dan Sinker as they digest the news each week. Says Who: it’s not a podcast—it’s a coping strategy.

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