After a looooong process of trying to get pregnant, Maya and Erik are finally about to become parents for the first time and they're kind of freaking out. Luckily, they have an outlet: oversharing every step of the way on this podcast. If you're trying to get pregnant, are currently expecting, or just had your first kid, and maybe you're feeling excited or a little scared or both, tune in and we can all freak out together.
- "How not to hate your husband after kids": Marriage advice from two people you definitely should not take marriage advice fromOops, it's been a year! But believe it or not people are still listening, so we're still recording. In this episode, Maya and Erik talk about life with a 20-month-old: childcare woes, starting to talk (or not...), and whether or not it's reeeeally a problem to spoil your firstborn rotten. (I mean can YOU go to Target without buying your kid 30 toys?!) We also discuss the very real toll having a young child can take on your marriage, and the sorts of dumb fights we get into and talk about at couples' therapy. The best advice we can give you, if you're new parents: go to therapy now. And certainly go before you decide to have a second kid 😬 As always, you can thank our incredible editor AJ for turning our ramblings into a coherent and enjoyable podcast episode: twitter.com/ajfillari If you have any thoughts, questions, or feedback for us, you can reply to our question ("What did you think of this episode?") on Spotify! And don't forget to participate in our poll (also on Spotify): we want to know if you'd watch a video version of this podcast!
- The Dreaded Sleep RegressionOur baby's 9 months old now, so he's doing lots of exciting things, like eating solids (!), opening his own Christmas presents, and refusing to sleep*. We're also doing exciting things, like watching a lot of TV** and learning that our experience is not actually universal. We know, this was a shocking realization for us too. Suggested resources: Our favorite book about baby sleep, Precious Little Sleep Our favorite sleep coach, recommended by many of our friends: A Little Support (UK based, but works with clients all over the world) And if you're a mom who wants to feel really angry at your husband and every other husband in the world, check out r/Mommit, Maya's favorite subreddit *We found out after recording this episode that our son had an ear infection. Once we got him on antibiotics he went back to sleeping like an angel. Your mileage may vary, but if your kid is suddenly having trouble sleeping, maybe get their ears checked out before you sink into a deep depression and accept that none of you will ever sleep again. **This episode is sponsored by the Boulet Brothers' Dragula. (Not really, please don't sue us Boulet Brothers.)
- "Body After Baby": Clothes, Exercise, and ContraceptionWhat really happens to your body after you give birth? How long does it take to bounce back? Why is it impossible to find jeans when your waist and hips are the same size? And for the love of god, why is it assumed that preventing unwanted pregnancies right after giving birth – because yes, actually, this is something you need to worry about – falls on the woman who just gave birth? We don't really know, but here's our feelings about all of it.
- Back to Work: Childcare, Schedules, and PumpingThere’s a lot about going back to work after maternity leave that is hard. Childcare in particular - especially in the midst of a pandemic! - is a baffling paradox where none of the choices seem even remotely appealing. Do you put your kid in daycare, miss them desperately all day, and hope they somehow don’t get sick? Do you hire a nanny or an au pair who then suddenly becomes a permanent fixture in your household, whether you like it or not? If you’re lucky enough to have family nearby, can you convince a relative to watch your baby full or part time? Should one of you just quit your job?! This episode was recorded in two parts: one right before Maya went back to work, and the other a few weeks later. Spoiler alert: basically nothing turned out the way we thought it would.
- How to Raise a Good Kid: Advice From the Best Parents We KnowFor the first time ever, we invited some other parents on the show: our friends Jen and Tom, who have two sons, ages 15 and 11. They share their unique story about getting married young, having and raising babies while Tom was in the army (and often deployed), and learning how to prioritize their relationship with each other. We’ve watched them raise their kids from birth, and have always admired their parenting style and how fun their whole family is to be around. In this episode, we ask them: how did you end up with such good kids? And what advice do you have for brand new parents like us? Suggested resources: • And Baby Makes Three, a book we've been reading with tips on how to keep your marriage strong after you have a baby (seems like our friends were on to something...) • if you're pregnant or have a newborn (or if you're just curious about what it's like), Maya wrote up a detailed guide for all four trimesters that you might find useful! You can check it out here. Want to share your own story, send us feedback, or ask us to cover something on a future episode? You can email us or send in a voice message; we’d love to hear from you.
- The First Month: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and AcceptanceYeah, not sleeping and having to breastfeed and change diapers all the time is hard, but it turns out the most challenging part of having a baby is... the many complicated feelings you will have about your new life. In this episode, we dive deep into the 5 stages of New Parent Grief™ (just invented that), including the good – we kinda like this baby! – and the bad (Erik really has been crying in the bathroom). Generally though, we have accepted that this is really happening and things are getting a tiny bit easier every day. Some things that have made us feel better recently: • This blog post about paternal post natal depression • This Reddit thread about how much the newborn phase really does suck • This book about how to get your baby to sleep for 12 hours a night! We're not starting sleep training yet, but this book has some great common sense ideas that made us feel like it'll be doable when we get there. Want to share your own story, send us feedback, or ask us to cover something on a future episode? You can email us or send in a voice message; we’d love to hear from you.
- The First Week: Breastfeeding, Sleep, and Baby BluesWe knew bringing a baby home from the hospital would be hard, we just didn’t know it would be THIS hard. And we certainly didn’t anticipate the complicated emotions that come along with becoming parents and facing the reality of being responsible for another human, forever. This is a little bit of a dark episode, but we’re publishing this a couple weeks after this was recorded and we promise we’re feeling better now! Suggested resources: • Breastfeeding: La Leche League, Kelly Mom, and doing whatever the f works for your family. Since we recorded this episode we've talked to a bunch of our mom friends, and while they all have different stories about breastfeeding, ALL of them said they wished they hadn't stressed so much about it and that they now understand that any version of feeding their kid would have been totally fine. • Sleep: Precious Little Sleep, Taking Cara Babies • Commiseration: r/beyondthebump Want to share your own story, send us feedback, or ask us to cover something on a future episode? You can email us or send in a voice message; we’d love to hear from you.
- Childbirth: Induction, Epidural, and an Unplanned C-SectionOur first post-baby episode! Get ready to listen to some very, very tired and shellshocked people. Childbirth, like getting pregnant, is different for everyone. In our case, it required an induction (which didn’t work), an epidural (inductions hurt even if they don’t get the baby out!), and a C-section we were not at all prepared for. As you can probably imagine, this episode is pretty graphic and we’d only recommend listening to it if you really want to know what giving birth is like – or at least, what it was like for us. You have been warned. Want to share your own story, send us feedback, or ask us to cover something on a future episode? You can email us or send in a voice message; we’d love to hear from you.
- Pregnancy: A Stroll Through the Three TrimestersRecorded a day after our "due date" with no baby yet in sight, this episode finds us reminiscing about the highlights and low lights of each trimester of pregnancy, including miscarriage fears and extreme fatigue in the first, blood tests and telling people in the second, and shockingly debilitating pelvic pain in the third. There's a lot people don't really talk about! PS: This episode was published 41 weeks and 2 days into our pregnancy. Still no baby. Due dates are a scam. Suggested reading: • Expecting Better • Pregnancy, Childbirth, and the Newborn Want to share your own story, send us feedback, or ask us to cover something on a future episode? You can email us or send in a voice message; we’d love to hear from you.
- Trying to Conceive: “Unexplained Infertility”, IUI, and IVFGetting pregnant looks different for everyone. For us, it took 3+ years of trying, and multiple rounds of both IUI (intrauterine insemination) and IVF. In this episode, we talk about the logistics of all that, and also our feelings. So many feelings. Suggested resources: Taking Charge of Your Fertility Maya also kept a detailed blog of our fertility journey. We don’t share the link publicly (it’s, uh, extremely graphic and personal), but if you’re going through or about to embark on something similar and the details would help you out, email us and we’re happy to share it with you. We highly recommend the Master of None episode about IVF (season 3, episode 4 – it's on Netflix)! Extremely accurate portrayal of the IVF process. Just be warned, parts might be triggering or upsetting if you're about to do IVF or had your own emotional experience with it. Want to share your own story, send us feedback, or ask us to cover something on a future episode? You can email us or send in a voice message; we’d love to hear from you.