The Dick Show
Dick Masterson
The Dick Show is a weekly science and rage based podcast where everything is a contest and there ams no rules--especially grammar rules. Chock-full of Dick Tips and the answers to questions like, 'Are you a rage?' and 'What even is a libertarian?' The Dick Show. Get some.
Paying my dad's social security, the Garbage-versary and the Garbages Goblin, men's experiences with men being emotional, over-crowded Halloween haunts, Cripp Daddy calls in to talk disabled Halloween costumes, back problems, avocado terrorism, things the army can fix, Ari gives a boob demonstration that I don't remember the point of and plays the war game, Hampture is under attack, pausing for ten minutes, more on #SlimeTime, and my own personal Asterios spaghetti week; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Maddox freaks out again for Spaghetti Week: Part Deux, children's duvets and the cucks who sleep in them, the Chinese Achilles heel of the invincible and the elite, Randy sends a long text, dating an older woman, Vic Lasagna loses his case, math is racist, "My Wife is Friends with a Pedophile's Wife", Nick Rekieta and his family are violently threatened by "Mad Black Atheist", a multiple felon and mentally challenged former gang member, what to do about a high voice, and a guy who was tricked into eating his own poop calls in to promote his new book; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I get the side-eye for laughing at the wrong parts of Joker, committing to the bit, the Alphabet Wars heat up over trans-women and their penises, eyeball wiggles, letting 17-year-olds vote, The Cotton Ceiling, impeachment, leaving the door unlocked, the in-group preferences of white liberals, cereal bandits, and fellow Dr. Phil alum, Goose Wayne calls in; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Maker spaces ruined, poorly hidden packages, incels vs. The US Army, Maddox brags about stopping an imaginary mass shooter, Joey Salads calls in, how to break up with a girl, peeing over your own head, hazard lights, printed pictures look like garbage, Pedophastry and the scare of global warming, and Dame Pesos brings in a hidden recording of Mundane Matt caught on a hot mic talking about me; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Two days with gigantic balls, an Australian takes a trip down Crenshaw, being blessed, the going rate for Thoughts and Prayers, CBD, nanotech, women, and other scams, Zuby Music: the current British female deadlifting record holder, calls in, the legality of telling people to kill themselves, adventures in blackface, Ari has a post-op friend Sean would hit on, auto-continuing subscriptions, the best threesome position, how to fake being a black albino, the decline of nachos, Italian Americans, and Mundane Matt is not the father; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A furry injects saline into my scrotum live on-air, students fight climate change but lose their vaping privileges, Mrs. Monopoly and other Mrs. boardgames, smoking in high school, sex positivity vs. sex negativity, modesty c*cks, how to have a three-way, Vito's school principal the pedophile, me not influencing a school shooting, science fairs, Stuttering John threatens to sue Karl from "Who Are These Podcasts", Maddox walks into a bar--and then immediately turns around and walks out, truckers passing one another at half a mile an hour, how much Boomers whine and complain about everything, and Sean chickens out of letting a furry inject saline into his scrotum. All that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Autoblow machine, The Liquor Fairy and hitting a wall, the Sean Show, a tyranny of government occupational licensing fees, women and taxes, a prelude to a grand ball, inspiration vs. manipulation, a moon hoax, dating much younger girls, Hurricane Atlanta, giving my dad gas, Walmart stops selling bullets, the Taking Up Space Force, emotional intelligence, and a big stack of stripper ones; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The AI Autoblow machine, a plague of consent ruins Burning Man, racist butterflies, falling asleep while driving, losing all your drugs, windshield stickers, a petition to lay a mother f*cker out, orbiters, another virgin contest winner, Fisher Price cameras for idiots, My Man grinds for gold, and obnoxious unpluggers; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I'm at Burning Man. Awash in a sea of liquor and t*ts listening to the worst Boomer cover band in the world to use this WiFi.

Two hobbits steal 80s Girl's car and I sleep through it, the Yang Gang wants you to live in a trash can, Let's Talk About Suicide, fifty ways to secretly record your lover, Egg Clay Day, doubling down on a d*ck pic debt, how to disciprine, Crippled Jesus' strip club adventure,a Mumkey Jones sex tape review, back pain, racing automatic previews, sports for losers, and everything you know about obesity is wrong; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Epstein kills himself, butts invade America, IRL plot holes, Vito is in studio, white women f*ck dogs, my dad turns me into a bicycler, one in three women use Tindr for free food, millennials have no friends, the $100 Kiwi Chris threat bet, dick pics, why to bring a gun to school and create child pornography, and body acceptance double standards when it comes to the penis; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Losing the last ten pounds, the liquor sponge, the only gun argument you'll ever need, robot racism, The Bagel Boss calls in to talk about his various altercations, more on the moron Perception Gap, food expiry dates are destroying half of our food, Nick Rekieta calls in to talk Vic Lasagna odds, how to dump your girlfriend after she gets cancer, how to out-religious your parents, how to start a cult, and the notorious Eggy White; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Going Bald, Second Hand Drinking, Andy Signore

Debunking the great moon conspiracy, the $15 minimum wage doesn't go far enough, ultra-progs attack knitting, Liu job lynch mobs a Dickhead, the very beautiful Veronica LaVery reads the news and won't make a sex doll, people who are allergic to coasters, people who use subtitles who are not deaf, people who throw cats, people who need to go back to where they came from, people who choke on grapes, unrealistic car seat adjustments, Matt F*ckface asks a girl out on air, and handling disappointment; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

I meet Mundane Matt at Vidcon and lose a hotdog eating contest, split trash cans, the war on toilet paper, conferences and the people who go to them, global warming nonsense, Mumkey Jones bails on calling in and costs me $50, running out on your family, the importance of not making people insane, questions with unnecessary answers, Vito: the neckbeard who vaped an e-girl's bathwater, The Chris Cant Cast starring Cantillions and Chris the Kiwi, storming the Federal Reserve, Null and his girlfriend sitting in a tree, D-O-X-X-I-N-G, and I save a Maddox; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Mike Cernovich calls in to talk about getting Jeffrey Epstein arrested, Dame Pesos and Karl from "Who Are These Podcasts" call in to make fun of the final episode of The Best Debate in the Universe, my contingency plans for getting molested by the TSA, getting Alzheimer's, and getting reincarnated, Null calls in to have a white discussion about White Privledge, a thot-ful journalist gets trolled by a Dickhead, a conduit of money, a continuum of food, Nintendo bones me again, and an average day in the life of the ultimate millennial; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Maddox kills his podcast, shorts with no pockets, John McAfee calls in to talk privacy coins, laziness, fucking whales, advice for the virgins, and being on the run from the biggest government in the world, a millennial with no hammer calls in to explain life to Sean and I, diminishing returns, how the lost episode was lost, and putting a breathalyzer on my refrigerator; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The state of permanent financial crises, an angry millennial really doesn't want to buy a hammer, gambling with your taxes, more parental kidnappings, the future is broke, returning a wallet, stabbing your mouth, Dame Pesos screws up his sound effects, Null and state-owned fetuses, how to stop people from talking to you while you're going into the bathroom, Road Rage: Las Vegas, and all the Iranian lives I have saved; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A new murderer calls in, how to not be too serious all the time, my reverse graduation speech, who does your abuela know, soph gets her yearbooks trashed, a new and exciting way to protest that doesn't involve burning the flag, afternoon penis cravings, Tifa's nerfed rack, early menopause, Kiwi Christopher is more well-adjusted than Reddit, your job is not your family, The Dad Zone, easy mode for video games, crappy pets, Alex from the Andy Warski gun-altercation is in studio, and a Happy Fathers' Day celebration for single moms and single pupper moms out there; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Super Hot VR and "Don't do it without me", how to propose to your girlfriend, derailment, depression and Boomeritis, a teetotaler water shortage, injuries while working out, The Great Awokening, chicks looking at the phone in their pictures, millennials giving up liquor, how to spot a ho, the Bicycle Boys last ride, and Chris the Kiwi gets catfished again; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Collecting on Maddox's $290, the groceries cold war, #LGBT month, THOTs vs. THUDs, a Greenpeace shakedown, waiting for the Oculus Quest, the sex extortion story, more on moron War Games and true stories from Vietnam from the late 90s, The ballad of Christina Falso, Nick Monroe calls in, passion vs. disciprine, the mental gap of trans athletes, and my video games disability; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A virtual planet of the apes, the WHO invents a video games disease, many new contestants on "Ask Your Mom, Wife, or Girlfriend when the Following Five Wars Happened: The Revolutionary War, The Civil War, World War 1, World War 2, and Vietnam", things only 90s kids will remember: Vietnam, the effects of short avatars on the brain, playing as the chick in video games, the rejection of post foam and construction Amish, premature ejaculators, being a fireman, Chris the Kiwi describes his dream date with Dr. Rachel, and taking all weddings out of children's programming; all that and more on this week's episode of The Dick Show!

A five years in podcasting super spectacular, the whore situation with Road Rage: Vegas, strip club secrets, The Killstream reunion, how the left can meme, Justin Whang, Null from Kiwi Farms, Denzel returns with erotic photography, Doug TenNapel convinces me not to have kids, Larry challenges me to an arm wrestling contest, The Killstream Reunion call in, a Fat Off with lakembra, the Thought Cops, FigBat DiggerNick is a huge nerd, The Time Travel/Abortion Conundrum, Sean is ganged up on, and Apostrophos sends in a glitter bomb; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The scope of the Sex Strike, the identity of Mental Health, Testifying against a murderer who studied the blade, looking fat on Twitch, dating older women, Porsalin calls in about his Sargon documentary, celebrating dad on Mother's Day, compromising on the abortion issue, the worst part about having kids, and sagacious zu steals the Madcast Media subreddit; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Mexican Rockabilly, too much Vavoom for the room at a local burlesque show, a local rapist, how Louis Farrakhan celebrates #HolocaustRemeberanceDay, Karl from "Who Are These Podcasts" reviews Godzilla vs. Podcast Zero, Boogie2988 gets new Chiclet teeth, has lunch with Maddox, and lies about Mumkey Jones, Burger King Depressy Meals, multi-generational, MABTW value signaling, the post-Libertine etiquette of he/him pronouns, cheating on your girlfriend advice from my dad, and some arguments; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My visa is finally denied, knock-off legos, Mortal Kuckbat 11, a guy pees on a midget, the mirrors in my house are all a forehead too high, the mushroom cosplay cult, the problems with being innocent, Nick Rackets calls in about Vic Lasagna, addictive butt tattoos, Andrew from Eugene Oregon's wife's bikini contest, the cellophane freshness tops on yogurt that women don't throw away, environmental sensibilities, Asterios updates his pronouns, and where not to go during a mass shooting; all that and more this week on The Dick show!

A case for the $500 minimum wage, how companies pushing the possibility of failure onto you, how to fix the student debt crisis, Sean brings me something I asked for from Australia, polyamory advice, the importance of friends, bureaucracy, the American TSA, Sick Liars, women's need to buy and sell things, and an economist says I'm stupid; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A timeline of screwups, bureaucracy, mass shootings, bad assumptions, and how Road Rage: Australia was ruined, hot monkey bars, making the Internet safe for women, vegans, the correlation between selfies and suicide, mutual understandings between hostile negotiating parties, Sean feeds a Wallaby, and the most embarrassing time I've ever thrown up; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A meat overdose, the income tax and the theft of American labor, 50 billion robocalls a month, Tetris Brain, a listener bangs a little person, chicks who say “aw”, drivers who wont just go, breathing through your mouth, Jesus’ mom vs, Bezos’ ex, and more on lesbians; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Advent calendars of failure, corporate April Fools' Day jokes, too short straws, Article 13 passes, Paul McCartney vs. Michael Jackson, house centipedes, a furry reads the news, eyeball soap, the secret lives of married thots, messaging women in mass quantities, more swinging done incorrectly, and the greatest man in the world pub sing along; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A cosmonaut takes me to space, the downside of 128 crayons, playing the 21 questions excuse game, underwear rolling up inside your pants, JP and The Dickheads Podcast vs. Not For Human Consumption, Apostrophos returns to spill glitter and chew bubblegum, Kiwi Chris calls in to give his thoughts on the Christchurch shooting hoax, a suicidal #MeToo in progress, machine learning and other lies machines have taught me, and how to separate a man and his wife; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Windshield wipers that go too fast or too slow, the creator of the Steam game "Rape Day" calls in, mass shootings and the mental illness of "what did you think was going to happen?", my Dr. Phil tapes are held for ransom, 50 retarded ways to leave your lover, a new news babe comes into the studio, getting pat on the stomach, and how to be creepy; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Nighttime birds, the cost of motherhood in the US, troubleshooting dad's pornography license, a government for the unlucky, soph calls in about kid prisons, Digibro is in studio, a guide for dealing with a stinky, a Dick Show Virgin gets rejected by a prostitute, moving across the country for cans, Vic Lasagna, Jamie Marchi learns about contextual racism the hard way, Sean and his slow editing, and the Dr. Phil episodes have been found; all that and more this week on the Dick Show!

Good news/bad news from Asterios, acquiring Maddox's debt, terrible line reads and the Fox cartoon that never sold, dogpiles and dog cuddles, #WomensHistoryMonth, the story of the Trump selfie, life in Iraq, the war on porn in war, The MtG lightning round, Irish Pubs, comforters getting jammed in their comforter sleeves, writing the great American video game, YIIK: A Post-Modern PRG, and Erik Wong falls asleep; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Wet jeans, throwing up coffee, the anti-aging tease, normalizing normalization, the $100 call-in contest, kids at bars, Karl from "Who Are These Podcasts" gets Job Lynch Mobbed by "The Vanished" podcast, super cancer for the offended, The Rommel calls in, and getting a nice home for Hitomi Tanaka; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hate crimes and hoaxes, kiwis are bad for you, hearing your heartbeat in your ear when you're trying to go to sleep, Roosh V calls in to school virgins, Cernovich takes an interest in the countersuit, my time between two Cliff Clavins, the war against AI in war, buying pillows, the globalist conspiracy of population control that is butt saturation, and Road Rage: Austrlia is booked; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Not enough chip clips, bad times at a monster truck rally, I launch my Patreon alternative, Mumkey Jones talks about concern trolls and Alex Jones, Wilt Chamberlain is the first winner of the Virgin Contest, another Dickhead spends $1,000 on his girlfriend for Valentine's Day and how not to do that, a gay relationship query, Asterios is at the Tennessee Dickhead film festival, science kills, a Dickhead gets fired for spicy Tweets, and Saudi Arabia in Silicon Valley; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Male cheerleaders and strongmen, the Patreon alternative, the science of procrastinating, a caller has a Wedding Four-Way before his wedding day, Nazi furries, millennials who don't know the holocaust, victim blaming police, my Imortan Joe milk brigade, and Facebook Gets Deleted; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

"Gay Ops", the real, ultimate power of yes/no questions, the magic of Jesse Lee Peterson, to cheat or not to cheat, Mental Jess violates her restraining order, Mike Gamms: "leftist thug" and Maddox's best friend freaks out over the Vice article, the virgin lie challenge, the MLK of sh*tlords, Null from KiwiFarms gets stalked, and calling places to see if they're open; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Great Knoxville No-Show, hate hats, the guy who made the Bill Maher NPC billboard drops by, Justin Whang calls in, worthless reasoning, the importance of jumping to conclusions, Layc wouldn't date a virgin, defending the TSA, women who owe me an explanation, ghosting, sitting next to the toilet on airplanes, being too loud at a bar, and Chris the Kiwi wants advice on dating his cousin; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The American Psychology Association vs. Men, Bum DNA, Early adopters, MLK the supervillain, Lior Lessor AKA YouTuber Law and The FTC vs. Patreon and PayPal and the entire banking system, Crippled Jesus vs. Digibro's wife, and Ethan Ralph from The Ralph Retort calls in; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Chicken coops, sound baths, being too lazy for drugs, the endless consumption of sustainability, Girl Scout cookies, Nick Monroe and Operation Chokepoint, the start of the Great Virgin Race, Null from Kiwi Farms brings in Jessica Yaniv, the waxing of women's balls, how to apologize, screen time trackers, honey pots, and my dad's bidet stalemate; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The great 2019 virgin race, the lameness of the government shutdown, Buzzed Driving is not Drunk Driving, chewing out waut3rboi, the n-bomb and the great monarchy of America, more on Sargon, my joke horse dies in Red Dead Redemption 2, fake interactivity, the what happened to Maddox's penis game, and the Asterios Muppet; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The funniest voicemail ever played, boob reveal GIFs that take too long, Winner's Drink and the apostrophe that came back from the dead, Patreon, credit cards, and the war on free will, an erotic Xmas poem from a real man, the Army and Israel, when to use steroids, Dr. Matt gives Facebook users medical advice, someone takes me up on my d*ck pic weight loss challenge, a $400 bidet, and my altercation at the bank; all that and more on The Dick Show!

The Thermostat Cold War, appetizers ruin every meal, the cold facts of waistlines, Boomers telling you how much they paid for their house, virtue signaling in domestic violence, the problem with civics and the American voters who are playing Calvinball, a scientist calls in who is creating his undersea future: Hampture, when to use dark humor with women, Special Agent Richard Head analyzes Maddox's creepy email to his ex, the awful, awful Mental Jess video, and an open-ended question about relaunching The Biggest Problem in the Universe; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Deplatforming Jesus, getting tricked into going to church, sobriety enablers, the sin of easy mode, putting hangars in trash bags instead of just leaving them out, trans-ringers in the Olympics, the mental illness of taking sports too seriously, white on white violence, wedding day three-way marketing, bad penis news, an erotic roofie story, Madcucks dates an amazon, Asterios' debt bonds, Super Clash Bros, the tease of the Hammer Brothers Mario suit, and I get Sean a Christmas present; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The rush of getting things done in the last minute, lies in job qualifications, the male charity gap, Mumkey Jones and "The Rise of the Planet of the Incels", calculating the number of drinks I've had, Sean and I discussing the implications of Theseus' ship and sharing an oral sex toy, vandalism on Mars, the average woman's Tinder profile, Special Agent Richard Head calls in, The Dick Show end of year awards, printing errors and Winners Drink, my doxxing, pronouns, and Sean gets a taser; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

"Winners Drink", my new drinking card game is ON SALE NOW, blown eulogies, how Nintendo has screwed us our entire lives, a four-hour blunder over "the map says!", Boomer football vs. Zoomer video games, flavored vapes and screw the children, the curse of the pinkie toe, The THOT Audit and Women: God's Tax on Life, how to give a girl an eating disorder, chicks with guy friends, when to keep your mouth shut, Jurassic Park and a Vore fetishist, a man's first time, Bleh Rodriguez calls in and giggles, Denzel vs. Peach Round 2, Sean's drag queen persona, background checks for guns, and the restraining order transcript between Mental Jess and 80s Girl is on the way; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Civil War Games, Men Crying, hugging your kids with nuclear arms, the "Lethal Weapon" matinee in my pants, mom's crappy home WiFi, Johnny's dad's d*ck pic, Christopher the Kiwi proposes to his inmate girlfriend, Thanksgiving and everything wrong with it, fire sympathies, the ACLU, Red Dead Redemption 2 is turning frogs gay, strangling Mom, "The Fattener", fattening, and ruination fetishes, phimosis, getting Digibro's dad laid, four beers, the passing of Andy Lee AKA Call Of The Deep, and banging your hot cousin; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

DIY saline ball improvement, the fattest woman in the world, P-Control, more broken toilets, the Boomer curse of braces, the amusement tax, feeding as a fetish, an endless loop Mexican ranchero music, cucks in the mass shooting meme, a Facebook meltdown, mosquito season, quinceañera season, update season, Dad's Guide for video games, death to chivalry, sexism and new hamburgers, and other people's piñatas; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!