The Accidental Axolotl – a kids storytelling podcast adventureMeet Axel, a well-meaning axolotl with a knack for chaos. When Tilly Mudge steps away, Axel decides to tidy his tank. What could possibly go wrong? Everything.Thermometers topple. Castles collapse. Gravel streams across the tank like a tiny underwater avalanche. Pip and Pop, the ever-suspicious shrimp, react with panic. Colin the snail offers his slow, measured advice. And Axel? Well, Axel tries his very best, which somehow makes everything worse. A heater swings, flakes fly, and a thermometer ends up stuck to his gill like a medal for very bad behaviour.Through bubbling clouds, frantic fixes, and underwater mishaps, Axel proves that even when disaster strikes, persistence, courage, and a little bit of chaos can make life… delightfully unpredictable. Kids and grown-ups alike will laugh, gasp, and cheer in this nine-minute story of mess, mayhem, and underwater heroics. Episode length: ~9 minutes Ages: 4–400 Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, or quiet moments in the chaos of everyday lifePress play and dive into Axel's tank, where shrimp argue, snails judge, and one axolotl accidentally creates a masterpiece of mess, mischief, and laughter.Discover more wonderfully bonkers stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

The Koala Who Couldn't Cling – a kids storytelling podcast adventureKevin Koala is a perfectly normal koala in every way—except for one thing. He simply cannot cling. Trees, fence posts, signs, even Ranger Bev's leg—everything slips from his grasp. No matter how hard he tries, Kevin just slides, and everyone around him can't help but watch with laughter and disbelief.But when a little sugar, peppermint, and fizzy mint lemonade enter the picture, Kevin's world changes. Suddenly, the slippery koala is blasting off, bouncing through the treetops, sticky, sparkling, and absolutely triumphant. It's a story of persistence, chaos, and discovery, told with humour, absurdity, and heart.This funny children’s audio story is perfect for kids storytelling podcasts, bedtime stories, family listening, or car journeys. Filled with sticky situations, fizzy burps, mischievous sugar gliders, and plenty of laughter, it shows that sometimes all you need is a little creativity—and maybe a lot of sugar—to find your footing. Episode length: ~13 minutes Ages: 4–400 Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, family chaos sessionsPress play and join Kevin, Kylie Kookaburra, Wally Wombat, and a sticky, syrupy, sugar-fuelled koala in a kids storytelling podcast packed with laughter, chaos, and pure delight.Discover more hilariously bonkers stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Luna has started noticing the change jar getting lower. Not quickly. Not all at once. Just slowly, like a puddle shrinking in the sun. Coins come out for bus fare. School things. Plasters. Shampoo. And the jar keeps getting emptier. She tries not to count. But she notices.One evening, while Dad is making cheese on toast, Luna asks the question that makes the whole kitchen go quiet. What if you keep having to use the jar because of me?Dad stops grating at once. He puts the grater down very carefully. Then he says something unexpected. Oh dear. You have upset the change.What follows is one of the gentlest, most magical fun kids stories about worry, money, and the way a good parent can turn anxiety into wonder. Dad lifts down the jar, holds it to his ear like a seashell, and listens. Really listens. Then he announces that the coins are complaining. About being kept still. Because change is called change because it likes to change.He tips the jar onto a tea towel and begins to listen to what each coin wants to become. This funny bedtime story turns into something deeper as Dad explains what happens to treasure that never becomes anything. Pirates burying gold that never turns into bus fare or books or biscuits. Dragons sitting on mountains of coins in gloomy caves getting grumpy. Wishing well pennies waiting at the bottom, soggy and cold, for wishes that never come true.But coins that go out and become things? Those are happy. And the happiest change of all is the change that gets to look after somebody it loves.This kids storytelling podcast episode is for children who worry about money without knowing how to say it. For parents navigating tight budgets whilst keeping their children feeling safe. For families who need bedtime stories for children that handle difficult things gently. The relationship between Luna and her dad is beautifully drawn, full of warmth and the particular magic that happens when a parent protects a child from worry by making scarcity feel like purpose.Perfect for calming bedtime story time when you want something that settles softly, for family listening during quiet car journeys, or for audio stories for children that trust kids to understand difficult things wrapped in kindness. This bedtime story podcast episode is funny and magical and deeply, quietly comforting.More fun children's stories with heart at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Mum's Marathon – a hilarious kids storytelling podcast adventureIn this uproarious kids podcast episode, Mum has signed up for a marathon—but she simply can’t run past anything that needs fixing. Not wouldn’t. Couldn’t. Her legs refuse to keep going if someone, somewhere, might need help.From rescuing cats stuck in trees to herding rebellious chickens, fixing fences, delivering packages, and even dodging runaway gnomes, Mum’s “training” turns into a spectacular parade of chaos, animals, and good intentions. No obstacle is too small, no animal too stubborn, and no neighbour too helpless for her helpful streak.This funny children’s audio story is perfect for a kids storytelling podcast, bedtime stories, car journeys, or family listening. It combines absurd humour, escalating suspense, and warm-hearted chaos, showing that sometimes you just can’t fight your nature—even at the finish line. Episode length: ~9 minutes Ages: 4–400 Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, chaotic family morningsPress play and join Mum, Gerald the cat, a flock of rebellious chickens, and a very determined goose for a kids storytelling podcast packed with chaos, courage, and unstoppable hilarity.Find more absurdly fun and heartwarming stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Alfie finds a magic lamp behind the skate ramp at the rec. It is dented, dull, and smells faintly of old socks and disappointment. Out pops a blue genie who speaks only in rhyme and offers three wishes. This should be brilliant. This should be the best day ever.Then Ben starts asking questions.What currency? Which bank? Old pounds or new pounds? Cash or transfer? What about fraud detection? What about inflation? Every answer creates ten more questions. The wish collapses under its own logic before it even begins.This funny bedtime story for kids spirals through increasingly desperate wishes. World peace. Best at football. Fame. Happiness. No weapons. Climate change fixed. King of the world. The perfect wish. Ben finds problems with every single one. Consequences. Loopholes. Unintended disasters. Alfie cannot fix them fast enough. The genie watches sadly as three hundred years of experience tells him exactly how this ends.What follows is one of the cleverest fun kids stories about overthinking, fear of consequences, and what happens when you try to control everything. Children who love logical puzzles will recognize themselves in Ben. Kids who just want things to work will feel Alfie's mounting frustration. And the genie's bittersweet ending lands somewhere unexpectedly moving for a story about magical wishes gone wrong.This kids storytelling podcast episode is for families who appreciate wit alongside warmth. For children who like their bedtime stories for children to be clever without showing off. For parents who want audio stories that spark conversation about choices and consequences without feeling like homework. The genie speaks only in rhyme throughout, which is a particular delight, and his final monologue alone in the darkness is genuinely poignant.Perfect for car journeys when older kids need something that rewards attention, for bedtime story podcast listening when you want something thoughtful, or for family listening that makes everyone think while they smile. This is fun children's stories with philosophical depth hidden inside the comedy. A calming bedtime story that builds chaos then lands somewhere quietly sad and true.More stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.Episode length: approximately 21 minutesAges: 4 to 400 (though older kids will catch more of the logic spirals)Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, moments when you want to think and lau

The Boy Who Couldn't Stop Hiccupping – a kids storytelling podcast adventureOliver Pemberton's hiccups aren’t just hiccups, they are full-on, ceiling-scraping, gravity-defying launches that turn his life into a bouncing, chaotic spectacle. From flying toast to collapsing bookshelves, even the cat cannot escape the mayhem. Nothing and no one can stop him. That is, until Maestro Magnifico realises Oliver's hiccups are musical perfection in B flat.Join Oliver as his involuntary percussive antics transform the school talent show into a full-blown symphony of laughter, chaos and unexpected brilliance. Hiccups, piano crashes, xylophones and a bit of accidental jazz combine in an 18-minute story that proves sometimes your quirks are your superpowers. Episode length: approximately 18 minutes Ages: 5 to 500 Best enjoyed: breakfast chaos, afternoon laughter or any moment that could use a bouncing boy in B flatPress play and discover how hiccups can make music, mayhem and memories in this hilariously chaotic kids storytelling podcast.Explore more barmy adventures at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

The Sleeping Beauty Who Wouldn't Wake Up – a kids storytelling podcast adventurePrincess Petunia has been perfectly fake-snoring for three whole months, and life in the castle is… delightfully inconvenient. From princes with cymbals, bagpipes, and chickens, to interpretive dances and questionable tickling attempts, every effort to wake her has spectacularly failed.Enter Prince Humphrey, who does the unthinkable: he climbs into her bed and falls asleep. Chaos ensues. Snoring shakes chandeliers, pillows fly, marbles roll, and Petunia discovers that sometimes, waking a prince isn’t about magic—it’s about managing utter absurdity. Through explosions of feathers, mechanical awakening machines, and kingdom-wide mischief, Petunia realises being awake can be infinitely more entertaining than being cursed.Kids and grown-ups alike will laugh, gasp, and cheer through this 16-minute story of royal misadventures, chaotic ingenuity, and a princess who refuses to be ordinary. Episode length: ~16 minutes Ages: 5–500 Best enjoyed: bedtime, rainy afternoons, or any moment craving chaotic hilarityPress play and join Princess Petunia, Prince Humphrey, a castle full of mischief, and a very clever cat in a kids storytelling podcast full of snoring, chaos, and laughter.Discover more bonkers tales at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Second Hand Shop Next DoorNext door to Mr Morton's bookshop was a shop that confused everyone. It did not sell lamps or chairs or pre loved trousers. It sold seconds. Tickable, gleaming, magical seconds that could stretch a moment, save a lost opportunity, or let Lily, a girl who was always late, say the words she meant properly.Lily discovers the power of seconds, using them to tie shoelaces, finish homework and savour her favourite bits of books. But when too many seconds are used at once, time behaves strangely and Lily must learn that the best moments are the ones that make time irrelevant. Sometimes the best thing you can do is just be in it, not try to control it.Runtime: Approximately 14 minutesTheme: Time, patience and learning to savour the momentJoin Shaun Morton for a whimsical and warm tale of magic, chaos and discovering that sometimes the best seconds are the ones you do not try to hold onto. Listen now and lose yourself in the story.Discover more wonderfully bonkers stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Thing That Became NothingTommy’s dad wanted them to have a thing. A proper father and son thing. The only problem was that every hobby Tommy tried, football, skateboarding, guitar, chess, birdwatching, origami, was quickly taken over by Dad’s enthusiasm, expertise and far too much equipment. Soon nothing Tommy liked was left untouched.Then came an idea. If Dad ruined everything Tommy liked, maybe Tommy could like what Dad liked. What followed was the Great Interest War. Whiteboards, corkboards, timelines, PowerPoints about PowerPoints and a feedback loop of love and lunacy transformed the house into a labyrinth of obsession.Finally, utterly exhausted, they collapsed together on the sofa. No projects. No expertise. No need to explain anything. Just together. Every Saturday. Sofa. Rubbish telly. Nothing. Just them.Runtime: Approximately 12 minutesTheme: Being together matters more than doing things togetherJoin Shaun Morton for this warm, whimsical story of family, chaos and finding the joy in doing nothing together. Listen now and see how sometimes the simplest thing can be the most important thing.Discover more wonderfully bonkers stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Bicycles That Wouldn't WorkWhen Joe and Sam save up for the perfect bicycle, nothing goes to plan. Rain, broken tyres, and a tea shop with impossible biscuits turn an ordinary day into a delightfully absurd adventure. With quick thinking, a bit of luck, and a biscuit acting as a wheel, the boys discover that ingenuity and friendship can turn disaster into triumph.Runtime: Approximately 9 minutesTheme: Adventure, problem solving and seeing the extraordinary in the ordinaryJoin Shaun Morton for a playful, whimsical story full of clever twists, ridiculous solutions and plenty of laughs. Listen now and enjoy a tale where biscuits become heroes and creativity saves the day.Discover more wonderfully bonkers stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits: The Wolf Who Couldn't Help HimselfWinston Wolf is Wibbleton Way’s fiercest food critic. One sniff or bite from him and a restaurant is doomed. When three new pig-run eateries open simultaneously, chaos erupts, kitchens catch fire, and recipes go spectacularly wrong. But Winston cannot resist helping, sneaking in at night to save the food while the pigs remain blissfully clueless.Runtime: Approximately 18 minutesTheme: Comedy, culinary disaster, clever problem solvingJoin Shaun Morton for a theatrical, laugh-out-loud tale of absurdity, chaos, and heroic cooking. A story where pigs are convinced they are geniuses, the wolf is quietly brilliant, and disasters turn deliciously entertaining.Discover more wonderfully bonkers stories at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Penelope Puddleworth's Perfect Problem: a hilariously bonkers kids storytelling episode Penelope Puddleworth wakes up eight feet tall and absolutely perfect—and quickly discovers that being giant is not all it’s cracked up to be. The bigger she is, the harder it is to get through doorways, play games, or keep her head out of the ceiling. And when she starts telling the truth about everyone’s mistakes, she shrinks—fast. From playground mishaps to magical shrinking and growing, Penelope learns the very important lesson that being perfectly giant, or tiny, is far less fun than being ordinary. Only by genuinely noticing the good in others does she find the perfect height for friends, fun, and surviving Year Six. Episode length: ~13 minutes Ages: 4–400 Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, or any time you want absurd humour and magical chaos Press play. Join Penelope as she towers over—and then shrinks beneath—her classmates, discovering that the best adventures happen when you’re exactly where the fun is. Ridiculous, warm, and delightfully bonkers. More outrageous tales at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Wendy Wobblewand and the Bonkers Brew: a delightfully chaotic kids storytelling episode In a wonky kitchen at the end of Wobble Street, Wendy Wobblewand brews potions her own way: messy, magical, and utterly bonkers. When a curious neighbour sneaks in to help, they accidentally create a Bonkerfluff—a sparkly, seventeen-legged creature that brings chaos, joy, and a lot of very confused dancing teapots. From bouncing buttons to singing teapots, a teabag that glows in the dark, and the most unpredictable kitchen in the neighbourhood, Wendy discovers that the best potions happen when you ignore the rules and embrace the magic of fun. Expect outrageous humour, magical mayhem, and heartwarming surprises for everyone who loves a bit of chaos with their storytelling. Episode length: ~11 minutes Ages: 4–400 Best enjoyed: bedtime, car journeys, or anytime you want ridiculous, magical fun Press play. Join Wendy, Timothy, and the Bonkerfluffs in a kids storytelling podcast full of chaos, laughter, and magic that goes absolutely everywhere. Ridiculous, warm, and wonderfully barmy. More outrageous tales at MrMortonsBarmyBook.com.

Mrs Puddifoot does not care for New Year's Eve. It is cold, loud, and full of people shouting at the sky as if the sky has done something personal. Mrs Puddifoot would much rather stay indoors with a kettle, a biscuit, and a firm commitment to letting the year change without her involvement.Unfortunately, the next year has other plans.Because a polite stranger appears on her doorstep and claims, in the calm voice of someone asking for directions, that he is early for the new year. Not early for a party. Early for the year itself. He apologises for the inconvenience and asks if he might wait on the doorstep until midnight when he can officially begin.Mrs Puddifoot stares at him. The stranger smiles pleasantly and produces a thermos of tea.And then, as if this is perfectly normal, more people begin to arrive. Quiet people. Cheerful people. Determined people. All forming a queue that starts at Mrs Puddifoot's front door and stretches through the town, up the hill, and steadily towards midnight. They are queuing for the new year like it is a bus service or a bakery opening.Mrs Puddifoot does not want a queue. Mrs Puddifoot does not want visitors. Mrs Puddifoot definitely does not want to be responsible for organising the next year like it is a community event she accidentally volunteered to host.So she does the only sensible thing. She tries to ignore it. She closes the curtains. She makes herself tea. She sits in her armchair with a book and pretends nothing unusual is happening outside.This becomes increasingly difficult when the queue begins to develop its own mood, its own rules, and its own gentle stubbornness. There are murmured resolutions. There is the peculiar comfort of standing near strangers who are all waiting for the same moment. There is hope mixed with nervousness, all wrapped up in a line of people who have decided that this year, they are not going to let it just happen to them.Eventually, Mrs Puddifoot opens the door. Not because she wants to join in. But because ignoring something does not make it go away, and sometimes the thing you are avoiding is actually the thing you need. What follows is a gentle, bonkers journey through conversations with people waiting for change, hoping for better, and queuing politely because that is what you do when something important is about to begin.This is a cosy bedtime story that is funny in a quiet way, magical in a slightly odd way

The Bauble Who Saved My Christmas ✨🎁Once upon a Christmas Eve, a grumpy bookshop keeper meets a box of tangled fairy lights, and a very mischievous magical bauble decides it has had enough of being treated like a decoration. It wants to be important. It wants to be in charge. It wants to cause a tiny bit of festive trouble, in the most cheerful way possible.The bookshop keeper is not interested in festive trouble. He is interested in quiet. Order. Proper shelves arranged by author and genre. Calm customers who know what they want and leave promptly. He has survived enough Decembers to know that Christmas cheer is lovely as long as it stays several streets away from his shop. His window display is minimal. His decorations are non existent. His commitment to ignoring the season is impressively stubborn.But then the bauble arrives. Delivered in a box. Rolling across the floor with intention. And it is not just shiny. It is persuasive. It twinkles like it has a plan. It makes suggestions that sound entirely reasonable until you think about them properly. It rolls into the wrong places on purpose, positioning itself exactly where it cannot be ignored.At first, the bookshop keeper tries to put it away. Then he tries to return it. Then he tries to pretend it does not exist. None of these strategies work because the bauble has decided this bookshop needs Christmas whether it wants it or not.The bauble starts small. A wish here. A little sparkle there. A reluctant nod to the season. But Christmas Eve has a habit of escalating, and this bauble has the sort of personality that turns a small wish into a whirlwind. The fairy lights tangle themselves with clear intention, wrapping around shelves in patterns that look almost deliberate. The bookshop begins to feel less like a serious place of literature and more like a story that is writing itself. Books start appearing in unexpected places with oddly relevant titles. Customers arrive looking for things they did not know they needed.And the grumpy keeper discovers something surprising. It is surprisingly hard to stay frosty when the world keeps offering you a chance to soften, especially when a magical bauble is orchestrating the whole thing with the determination of a tiny festive director who refuses to take no for an answer.This episode is a festive audio story for children who love Christmas magic, silly surprises, and stories where objects behave

You already know the opening line. You already know the hush it creates when it is spoken softly, in a darkened room, with the day finally done. This is the classic Christmas poem told the way it is meant to be told. Warmly. Clearly. With space to breathe and settle.On a quiet Christmas Eve, the house finally stills. The last rustle of wrapping paper fades into silence. The final sip of water is taken. The excitement of the day begins to soften into something calmer. And then the story begins. Stockings hung by the chimney with care. The clatter on the lawn. Reindeer on the roof. That particular kind of Christmas magic that only exists when everyone agrees to be still for a moment and let the words paint the picture.This is not a new version. This is not a twist. This is the poem you remember, performed with theatrical warmth and gentle pacing, so every familiar line lands exactly as it should. No interruptions. No additions. Just the rhythm, the wonder, and the cosy certainty of knowing what comes next.This episode is a short, comforting listen for families who love bedtime traditions, classic Christmas storytelling, and a calm festive moment that does not wind children up before sleep. It is perfect when you want something familiar and soothing, whether that is at bedtime on Christmas Eve itself, during a late evening car journey home through twinkling lights, or as a little pause in the middle of busy December when everyone needs to slow down and breathe.Children will enjoy the rhythm, the pictures it paints in their minds, and the cosy certainty of a story that has been shared for generations. Grown ups will enjoy the sense of slowing down, the warmth of tradition, and the gentle feeling it leaves behind. No chaos. No surprises. Just comfort.If you are looking for a calming bedtime story at Christmas, or a bedtime story podcast moment you can play as part of your Christmas Eve routine year after year, this is a lovely little piece of audio comfort that does exactly what it promises. Soft, steady, and safe for the most excited night of the year.Perfect for family listening when you need everyone to settle, when bedtime feels impossible because of Christmas morning anticipation, or when you want a kids storytelling podcast episode that wraps the day up gently and helps tired parents guide everyone towards sleep.Mr Morton's Barmy Book of Bonkers Bits is wholesome family storytelling with a bonkers tw

Christmas Eve is meant to be a smooth little sleigh ride into bedtime. Calm, organised, magical. But what if the elves decide they have had enough and go on strike right when everyone is counting on them.Up at the North Pole, the workshop is in absolute uproar. The elves are holding emergency meetings with agendas and suspiciously official paperwork. Someone is waving a banner that reads "Fair Treatment for Festive Workers" in glitter. Someone else is shouting about overtime and the unreasonable expectation that they should work through Christmas when everyone else gets the day off. The biscuit negotiations have officially begun, and they are not going well.Meanwhile, the toys are misbehaving. Teddy bears are staging their own mini protest. Dolls have formed a committee. The toy trains are refusing to stay on their tracks out of solidarity. It is chaos on a scale the North Pole has never seen, and Christmas Eve is ticking closer.At first, it feels like the sort of festive problem that can be solved with a sensible chat and perhaps a reasonable compromise about biscuit supplies. Then someone mentions the Great Biscuit Shortage of 1847. Then someone else brings up a forgotten argument from 1623 about the Reindeer Incident. Seven hundred years of buried grievances come tumbling out like an avalanche of unresolved workplace disputes.Everybody has a different plan. Everybody thinks their plan is the only sensible option. Nobody is listening because they are all too busy explaining why they are right. The clock keeps ticking. The sleigh sits empty. The workshop descends further into festive anarchy. And somewhere in the middle, someone realises this entire disaster comes down to three things. Teamwork, timing, and a truly heroic quantity of biscuits.What follows is a frantic scramble to save Christmas involving compromise, chaos, forgotten traditions suddenly becoming relevant, and last minute problem solving that only happens when everybody finally agrees to work together. There are dramatic speeches. There are biscuit based peace treaties. There are moments where Christmas might not happen at all, followed by moments where everything clicks into place.This is a funny bedtime story for kids who love Christmas magic mixed with mayhem, elves with opinions, and the cosy kind of festive chaos where everything goes wrong in a silly way but nobody is being mean. It is also for grown ups who know what it feels lik

A Christmas tree should do one job. Stand there. Look festive. Accept baubles without complaint. Hold the angel upright. Provide a pleasant backdrop for presents. This one has other plans.Dad brings home a Norwegian spruce from Bob's Festive Forest, wrestles it through the front door with the kind of determination that only happens in December, and sets it up in the living room with a satisfied nod. Job done. Tree acquired. Christmas officially beginning.Then the tree starts leaning. Not a tiny wobble either. Proper angles. The sort of lean that makes baubles roll off like they are evacuating a sinking ship. The angel makes a dramatic dive for freedom and has to be rescued from behind the sofa. Dad stares at the tree. The tree leans harder, as if making a point.Dad tries everything he can think of. Books wedged underneath. Rope tied to the curtain rail. Furniture rearranged to provide structural support. Industrial strength solutions that feel wildly over engineered for a tree. He talks to it sternly, as if the tree might respond to a firm tone and a disappointed expression. Nothing works. It keeps leaning left, with purpose, like it is following secret instructions that nobody else can see.Sophie thinks the whole thing is hilarious. Until she hears it. Tap tap tap. The tiniest drilling sound. Coming from inside the branches.And that is when this stops being a mildly annoying Christmas problem and becomes a full blown festive mystery. Because the tree is not empty. Something is living in there. Something small. Something busy. Something that has very clear opinions about balance, architecture, and what a Christmas tree should really be used for when you think about it properly.What follows is a wonderfully silly investigation involving torches, whispered theories, careful branch parting, and the discovery that sometimes the thing ruining your Christmas traditions is actually making them far more interesting. There are tiny hammering sounds. There are woodchips appearing in suspicious places. There is the dawning realisation that this tree came with passengers, and those passengers have been working on a project.This is a cosy Christmas story for children who love funny surprises, tiny mysterious creatures with big plans, and the kind of household chaos that starts with tinsel and ends with everyone crowding round the tree like it is the most exciting thing in the world. It is also for grown

A goldfish is supposed to forget things. That is the whole reputation. Three second memory. Clean slate every moment. Blissfully unaware of grudges, complaints, or the concept of payback. But what if one tiny goldfish remembers one thing for just a bit too long, and decides it is time for revenge.In a classroom, there is a fish tank. Inside the fish tank, there is a castle. Inside the castle lives a goldfish with a very specific problem. Every single day, at approximately two fifteen in the afternoon, a pencil starts tapping on the glass. Tap tap tap. Rhythmic, relentless, absolutely maddening.At first, the goldfish does what goldfish do. He forgets about it three seconds later and goes back to swimming his usual loop around the plastic treasure chest. But then it happens again. And again. And slowly, impossibly, against all goldfish biology, the memory starts to stick.The goldfish begins to notice patterns. The pencil tapping happens during maths. It is always the same child. The same smug face pressed against the glass. The same irritating rhythm that makes the water vibrate in a way that is deeply, personally offensive.The goldfish decides something must be done.What follows is the most ridiculous training montage in aquatic history. The goldfish practices. He strategises. He uses the castle as a base of operations. He enlists help from a snail who moves so slowly it takes three days to hear the full plan but agrees anyway because snails are loyal like that. There are pebbles that start wobbling at suspicious moments. There is green slime appearing in places where green slime has absolutely no business being. There are bubbles that seem to pop with intention.The classroom begins to notice that something odd is happening near the fish tank. Pencils go missing. Homework gets mysteriously damp. The castle, which used to sit peacefully at the bottom of the tank, now seems to loom with quiet menace. And the goldfish, who previously looked vacant and content, now has an expression that can only be described as focused.The pencil tapping child starts to feel nervous. The tapping becomes less confident. The smug face pressed against the glass begins to look worried. Because there is something deeply unsettling about being outsmarted by a creature with a brain the size of a pea and a memory that technically should not be working this well.This is a funny bedtime story for kids who love school stories, mi

The Ghost Who Wasn't Scary 👻🌙A haunted house should have one very clear purpose. Be scary. Properly, bone chillingly, scream inducingly scary. This particular haunted house has a ghost called Lumpy, and Lumpy is trying his absolute best, but unfortunately he is a bit wobbly, a bit bumpy, and not frightening a single soul.There are creaky floorboards. There are shadows flickering in exactly the right spooky way. There are whispers echoing through empty corridors. There is moonlight streaming through dusty windows creating perfect ghost lighting. Everything is set for a proper Halloween fright. The house has done its job beautifully. The atmosphere is thick with menace.And then Lumpy drifts into view and immediately ruins the entire mood.Because Lumpy is not terrifying. Lumpy is oddly adorable. He floats with all the grace of a slightly deflated balloon. He attempts dramatic poses but ends up looking like he is doing gentle yoga. When he tries to moan ominously, it comes out more like a worried hum. He is less like a vengeful spirit and more like a flustered marshmallow who has accidentally wandered into the wrong job.Tonight is Halloween. Children are arriving with torches in hand and brave faces carefully arranged. They have come specifically to be scared. They want shivers. They want jumps. They want to run screaming back to their parents with thrilling stories about how terrifying the haunted house was.Lumpy is determined not to disappoint them.He practises his scariest moves. He rehearses his most chilling wails. He positions himself in a beam of moonlight like it is his big theatrical moment, ready to sweep forward with maximum spookiness. He has a whole routine planned. It is going to be magnificent. Terrifying. The sort of haunting that gets talked about for weeks.Then the children arrive, Lumpy launches into his carefully prepared performance, and everything goes spectacularly wrong.He drifts forward with what he hopes is menacing purpose but trips over his own ghostly tail. He attempts to loom dramatically but accidentally floats too high and bonks his head on a chandelier. He tries for a blood curdling scream but it comes out as a surprised squeak. The more he tries to be frightening, the more chaotic it becomes. His sheet gets tangled. His timing goes completely off. He knocks over a candelabra, apologises immediately, then remembers he is supposed to be terr